function commentCount($n) { $comments_path = "http://www.kjbland.com/blog/comments/"; if($file = @fopen($comments_path . "comments/$n.comment", 'r')) { $thisFile = fread($file, '1000000'); $thisFile = explode("\n", trim($thisFile)); fclose($file); $comments = sizeof($thisFile); if($comments == 1) {$comments .= " comment";} else {$comments .= " comments";} } else { $comments = "0 comments"; } return $comments; } ?>
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Easily updatable crrrrrap Help me get a corset!
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Sunday, August 31, 2003
Friday, August 29, 2003
Give him a 10, because he is that frikkin neat. In addition, it is unclear as to who put it up. That's why 10s are important. If you want some brainless (nearly literally) eyecandy, go here: Zombie Infection Simulation. It's pretty neat. I'd suggest toggling "g", so you can see the zombies better. Thursday, August 28, 2003
Eeek! Well, more eek, if you are a guy. Man wakes up after operation without penis. Make sure to make that clear to your surgeon, ok? I probably don't have to tell you that, though. From ESPN.com - US Open 2003: "Also looking for some sizzle from Anna, according to Friday's USA Today, is Multiway Sports Bra by Britain's Shock Absorber. The paper reports that Kournikova will model the bra in ads for the U.S. rollout of their product, under the tagline 'Only the balls should bounce.' " A recent episode of Highlander (The Valkyrie), in addition to an episode of The X-Files (the one with B.D.Wong in it), has reminded me of something. With the exception of Native Americans, most residents of the United States are not local - they are immigrants somewhere along the line. So, dammit, if I hear one more "white is right" crap thing again, I'll smack someone's head in. You aren't a true American because you're white. So go suck an egg, assface. Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Browsing around netted this amusing statement: LiveJournal Status Report: Our redundant load balancers decided not to be redundant this evening! Monday, August 25, 2003
Sunday, August 24, 2003
There was a mini Jeff-less WiguCon in the LA area. Read more about it. I hate them SO HARD No I don't See? Not all syndicated American stars get along with the Germans! Also in the news, Ewan McGregor drank to deal with his dislike of the Star Wars prequels, Ashton Kutcher isn't going to make another "Dude, Where's My Car?" unless Seann William Scott, Brad Pitt, Meryl Streep, Robert De Niro, and Tom Cruise star in it and Martin Scorsese and Cameron Crowe direct, Michael Jackson opens Neverland for $5000 a head, and Britney&JLo&Madonna plan to sing "Like a Virgin" at the MTV VMAs. There is no god. Wait, no. He's a vindictive, sadistic man. Düde. What might've happened if Anne Frank went to the moon? FIND OUT. There are Moon Nazis involved. Yes. Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Monday, August 18, 2003
As Mediocre Minds said, "she's 26, she's cute, and she's running for governor. Oh, and she's a software engineer!" Georgy Russell For California Governor - funfunfun! Sunday, August 17, 2003
We should pray more often to St. Fua, the patron saint of harried, pissed-off, and fed-up people, especially those who have to listen to morons all day. To pray: Type the patron saint's letters to the person you are dealing with. Take a deep breath, and then close the window for-evar, never to speak with this person again. Saturday, August 16, 2003
Late-night TV watching shows you that American Gigolo is parodied in Deuce Bigalow. Sure, it might've been obvious to any Richard Gere aficionado. It's just amazing how much effort they went to to cast someone like Gail O'Grady, who looks like Lauren Hutton. Ok, that's enough linkage for one night. Friday, August 15, 2003
Our house is, at the youngest, 56 years old. In case, you know, you were curious. 1947 at the latest, baby. No wonder it has no air-conditioning. Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Ever wonder how much some photos are airbrushed? This website has rollover images that show you just how far computers can go to make someone look good. I was hella impressed. Saturday, August 09, 2003
Much as it goes under the heading of "Horrible Movies", Anaconda does not qualify as a horror movie. Ice Cube does NOT die. Just so's you know and all. Friday, August 08, 2003
Download a fun pixellated video with the music of Junior Senior. The actual video is this link, so's you know and in case it changes over time. Thanks, Darrn! Omar Sharif Head-butted a Paris cop. Man, I hope I'm this badass when I'm 71. He's a published bridge master, fer chrissakes. The man's great. Thursday, August 07, 2003
Take The Definitive Middle-earth Test, and have your brain seriously burn from the intense thought that has gone into it. And I do mean intense. Wednesday, August 06, 2003
In addition, check out O's sister's website, wherein she makes fun Flash diversions for YOUR ENTERTAINMENT. Yes. Tuesday, August 05, 2003
Saturday, August 02, 2003
Mentos Freshmaking Goodness, only with naughtiness. This has sound, and it depends on the work environment as to whether you can watch it there. But really, unless you work for some kind of freak, it's hella funny. |